Was back to walking on my own again at the weekend and enjoyed a lovely 3 hour jaunt on Saturday morning around my 'usual' route. Had to play taxi service on Sunday but whilst waiting for mum and co to take in the delights of a craft fair, I headed up the road and took a scenic walk around Mersea Island. Last visit to this site was when I was about 9 - first camping trip and it was awful. Our teacher wanted us to eat these horrible slimy things that looked like somebody had sneezed on a shell - think they called them oysters! A few years later(!) and this time around I could appreciate the beauty of the mudflats, the lovely old houses and the relative serenity of the island - and the oysters! Well, if I have to play taxi service I have to treat myself at the same time - don't I?

Last Wednesday I joined a local council walking group, part of the 'Walk For Life' scheme. Now it was only about a mile or so and lasted about 40 minutes but it was probably one of the most rewarding things I've done since I've been on the hill-walking path (pun intended!). The purpose of the group is to encourage the elderly and the infirm to take up walking, get out in the fresh air and enjoy the socialising. In our small group there were those suffering from chronic arthritis, heart problems, walking disabilities - just about everything - but the one thing they all shared was a good sense of humour and a desire to get outside. And that's what it's all about to me. Walking is - or should be - for everyone. I remember how I felt not so long ago when I wanted to take up 'proper' walking. Being overweight and with an injury I wasn't exactly made to feel welcome and, to be honest, was quite embarrassed to even approach some groups. So if I felt like that, I wonder how many other would be walkers are out there feeling the same - thinking they won't be welcome or don't belong.

Thing is, somewhere along the way, over the past 4 months, I seem to have lost the plot a bit. I've started to suffer from my own king of summit fever - walking fever! The feeling that I have to keep pushing myself further and higher, walking more and more but for what? What am I trying to prove and to whom? I've found myself constantly worrying about where I'm going to walk, is it far enough, is it challenging enough and forgotten the very essence of why I started out and what I keep knocking others for. Walking should be about fun, fitness and being with and appreciating nature and our beautiful surroundings. It's not about ego. Only mine seems to have been getting in the way. It came to a head last week when I was offered the opportunity to take up a mega-walk, over several days in an unknown area and with the possibility to lead others. This is, if not technically then physically beyond me at the moment - but I was actually considering it. Why? Is it because I want to be like those I admire - strong, determined, adventurous, respected (well, that's my perception) but let's face it, I'm not a Ray Mears (couldn't kill anything resembling a living creature for a start) and I'm not a Joe Simpson (although with the number of times I seem to have ended up falling over, slipping down or getting lost I may not be far off - oops - sorry Joe - just kidding!). I may have the name 'Sturdy Girl' but in reality I'm a casual walker who takes enjoyment from being with and around nature, appreciating the history and beauty of a place and with an unexplainable love of mountains - I'm a poet and a romantic at heart - not a hard-core mountaineer type. So why am I trying to be? Thankfully, my inner voice and the outer voices of family and friends finally made themselves heard and after my session with the council team I am firmly back in the real world and being true to my own values and desires. Of course, you know that I'm still going to be walking and exploring my precious mountains - including completing my quest to the summit of Ben Nevis - but I'm going to do it my way and via those places that I want to walk in, not those that I think I should. I'm not going to walk routes just because they are the ones people expect me to do or because they have 'credibility'. I'm going to do them because something deep within draws me to them. That might mean I don't 'bag' the usual peaks but hey - who cares?? So, ranting over, time to reconsider my next adventure.....

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